


and if I'm dead to you (why are you at the wake?)

by buskidsaos



Series: the man out of time + quake [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alya Fitzsimmons - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jemma Simmons is an angel, Late Night Conversations, Leo Fitz & Skye | Daisy Johnson Friendship, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Skye | Daisy Johnson Feels, Skye | Daisy Johnson Needs a Hug, Skye | Daisy Johnson-centric, Strained Friendships, Trauma, and Sousa is an amazing and supportive boyfriend, daisy is the best aunt ever, post- 5x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buskidsaos/pseuds/buskidsaos
Summary: "I don't know, Daisy. Because things clearly aren't where we left off, and I'm starting to think they never will be.""Of course they're not!" she snapped, suddenly standing up. "You don't understand, Fitz. I forgive you. Really, I swear. But just because I forgive you doesn't mean I can forget!"Or, Fitz learns about the events of the Devil Complex, and he and Daisy talk about forgiveness and moving on.
Relationships: Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Series: the man out of time + quake [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906501
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	and if I'm dead to you (why are you at the wake?)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is a follow-up fic to chapter 4 of my story 'the rain is always gonna come (if you're standing with me)' because I'm still beyond pissed that aos never addressed 5x14. I'd suggest reading that chapter first (it's a standalone) before reading this, but you don't necessarily have to.
> 
> And also, if you've come looking for a happy little makeup fic where Daisy and Fitz hug it out and go back to being besties, I'm sorry to say but this isn't the story for you. As much as I would have loved to write that, I just don't see their conversation about 5x14 playing out like that. There is fluff here, though, I swear! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> tw: this fic is about the aftermath of 5x14 and everything that comes with it; torture, blood, mental health issues, etc. Don't read if this is triggering to you!

Daisy wasn't surprised in the slightest when she saw Him in her dreams that night. The Doctor. Her conversation with Daniel had unearthed a plethora of feelings and memories previously left buried, and while she'd have much preferred to have kept them that way, they were out in the open now and there was nothing she could do about it. Sousa didn't wake when she sat up suddenly at 3 am, biting back a scream and subconsciously rubbing her hand over her neck just to check that the Doctor hadn't reappeared and that it truly was all in her head.

Sighing shakily, she wiped away the tears pouring down her face before creeping out of her and Sousa's shared room and into the Fitzsimmon's kitchen to grab a glass of water. She fumbled around through the cabinets for a few moments, trying to remember where the glasses were. She shakily filled up the cup before walking over to the couch and collapsing onto it, trying to regulate her breathing. The stairs creaked suddenly from behind her and she turned around with a gasp. But it was just Fitz, standing awkwardly at the landing in flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt.

"Can't sleep?" he asked sheepishly. Daisy turned away from him, shrugging. Fitz made his way over to the couch, making sure he was staying in her peripheral vision the whole time as not to startle her.

"What do you want, Fitz?" Daisy asked exasperatedly. 

"I, uh... I think we need to have a talk." he cautiously took a seat a good distance away from her. Daisy stared intently at the wall for a few moments longer, before adjusting her position to look at him.

"Jemma told you, didn't she?"

Before heading into space, the two women had come to an agreement not to tell Fitz about the split. Daisy had insisted that it wouldn't be fair to him; after all, it wasn't _this_ Fitz that had tortured her, but she knew all too well that he'd feel the guilt anyways.

"She did." Daisy sighed heavily, putting her face in her hands.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," she muttered. "It.. I've come to terms with it, I moved on. I never wanted you to be burdened with it. But I don't really want to talk about it, so can we just..." she trailed off, embarrassed at how her eyes stung slightly.

"You don't have to say anything, if you don't want to. But I just thought... you deserve an apology." 

Now _that_ caught Daisy's attention.

"I.. what?"

"An apology. For what he did to you. I don't think you ever got one."

"That's because I don't need one. That wasn't you, Fitz. You have nothing to apologize for." he looked at her scrutinizingly before sighing.

"Well, after what happened this evening, clearly I do. And I just wanted to let you know.. it's okay if you don't ever forgive me. What he did to you was terrible, and I'm sorry."

"Fitz. I forgave you- him- a long time ago. I had to. For God's sake, I went into outer-freaking- _space_ for six months to find you. Do you really think I would have done that if I didn't forgive you?"

"I don't know, Daisy. Because things clearly aren't where we left off, and I'm starting to think they never will be."

"Of course they're not!" she snapped, suddenly standing up. "You don't understand, Fitz. _I forgive you._ Really, I swear. But just because I forgive you doesn't mean I can forget! How can I? Every time I look at you, I see _him._ I see him strapping me down to a table, taunting me, piercing a knife into my skin and ripping out my goddamn inhibitor. I can't just forget about that. So no, we're never going to be the friends we used to be. And _God_ I wish we could get back to that place. But we've been through too much, Fitz. We.." 

she tapered off, voice hitching as tears vehemently streamed down her face. Fitz was staring at her, mouth agape as she slid down the couch and onto the floor, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, over and over again. Fitz sat unmoving, unsure of what to do. 

"Daisy? Can I come closer?" he asked after a few moments. She nodded her head slightly, not objecting as he crouched down next to her, putting a hand on her arm. She grasped onto it like a lifeline.

The words were left unspoken, but her actions screamed loud enough for him. He finally understood. Before, right when Jemma told him what the other version of him had done, he'd been _so desperate_ to get back to the old friendship he and Daisy used to have. But that simply wouldn't be possible. And so for now, this would have to do; Daisy trusting him, forgiving him, but not being able to look at him the same way. As much as that hurt, he knew there was nothing she could do about it. The trauma had changed her, and no amount of apologies in the world could take away that pain. 

Neither one of them was sure how much time had passed before the stairs creaked once again and an exhausted-looking Jemma stepped into view, taking a seat on the opposite side of Daisy.

"Are you two alright?" she whispered. Daisy sighed quietly in response, and Fitz simply shrugged. 

"I can take it from here if you want to go back to bed," Jemma said pointedly at her husband. He looked to argue, but thought better of it when she gave him one of her famous Doctor Simmons glares.

"Alright," he relented, standing up slowly. "Night, Daisy," he said quietly. 

"'Night," she responded, cringing at how her voice cracked. Once his footsteps finally faded away and they heard the bedroom door shut, Jemma turned to her friend.

"How about we sit on the couch, yeah?" she suggested, and Daisy nodded numbly. Jemma helped them both up and wrapped a blanket around her friend before sitting back. Daisy curled her legs underneath herself, laying her head on Jemma's shoulder.

"Do you want to talk?" the brit asked quietly, and Daisy shrugged.

"I just want everything to go back to the way it used to be," she said finally. Jemma nodded, wiping away a tear from her friend's face and ignoring the way she felt like she might cry herself. 

"Me too. But, Daisy, just because things won't be the same doesn't mean things can't be good again. We've made nice memories this week, haven't we?"

Daisy smiled slightly.

"Yeah. I still can't believe you two have a _kid."_ Jemma chuckled.

"It does seem odd, doesn't it? She simply adores her auntie Daisy," she added.

"And I adore her." Daisy sobered slightly. "Did I scare her tonight?"

"No. She was a little confused and worried, but she's just fine. I promise."

"Good." she stifled a yawn, closing her eyes.

"Go to sleep, Daisy," Jemma said gently, and the brunette nodded.

"Thanks, Jem," she murmured.

"Anytime."

***

The next morning, Daisy awoke with a gasp as a little blonde ball of energy collided into her with more force than a four year old should have been able to possess. 

"Alya!" Jemma scolded sleepily, sitting up.

"Did I do something wrong? Daddy said I should go give you and auntie Daisy lots of hugs because you might be sad," the little girl said sweetly. Daisy smiled.

"Of course not, kiddo. Your daddy's right, I could definitely use an Alya hug right about now." Alya grinned, climbing into Daisy's lap and wrapping her arms around her. Jemma grinned fondly, yawning as Daniel walked into the room.

"Fitz and I went ahead and started making pancakes if you girls are hungry," he said, catching Alya's attention.

"Pancakes!" she exclaimed, jumping down from the couch and running into the kitchen. Jemma laughed.

"I'll go make her a plate," she said, leaving Daisy and Daniel alone in the living room.

"Are you alright?" he asked, sitting next to her. "I, uh.. I heard you and Fitz last night. I didn't want to intrude, because it seems like something you two need to work out on your own, but..." Daisy sat silently for a moment.

"No. I'm not," she replied with more vulnerability than Daniel had ever seen her openly posses. "And to be honest, I don't think this is something Fitz and I are going to be able to get over. I think.. I think it's something we're just going to have to evolve from. Y'know? Forge a different path." 

Daniel nodded thoughtfully. 

"Evolve. That's a nice way to put it."

"I have my poetic moments," she teased. He sighed, wrapping an arm around her so that she could nestle into his side.

"I'm glad you two talked."

"Yeah. Me too. It's going to get easier now, I think. Dealing with the aftermath, I mean."

"It will. I'm proud of you, Dais." she looked up at him, confused.

"For what? Having an emotional breakdown and yelling at my friend?" Daniel chuckled.

"For not keeping everything bottled up. You tend to do that, you know."

"Yeah, so I've been told," she muttered, rolling her eyes. She smiled faintly. "Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're here." he sighed, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to comment any thoughts or suggestions, or to just rant with me over how horribly the show handled this situation :)


End file.
